This is my profane humor blog exploring the unique frustrations and embarrassments of pregnancy, parenting, and marriage. I'm pretty sure I was crazy before I got pregnant, now it's full-blown hormonal madness. This is Pregnancy Part 2: Revenge of the Unborn. I also have a 6yo daughter, two cats and a dog.
Life is never dull.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Conversations with my 6yo

I haven't blogged in FAR TOO LONG. The third trimester is filled with cleaning and moodiness and sometimes WRATH. But mostly cleaning, and then being tired from all this 'nesting' I'm apparently doing.
Instead we will quote conversations from Monster, my 6yo daughter, who is likely as weird as her mother, but much cuter and not quite as warped.

...And they all DIED.
Her: "Mommy. I have bad news." *her face very somber* "The Little People who went to live in the fishtank? They all died." (Little People are Monsters version of a 'flea circus'. I think they look human, but they are invisible, very tiny, and apparently exist in great numbers in our house)
Me: "Oh dear! Did the fish eat them?"
Her: *still very pragmatic* Yes. Silvery ate one over here... *pointing to the 20 gallon tank* Goldy at the ones that lived here. Then Silvery ate the ones that hid here. And Goldy ate the last ones over here."
Me: "Well, Silvery and Goldy DO tend to eat anything they can get a hold of."
Her. "Yes. Moving to a fishtank was a bad idea."

One is a Lonely Number
Monster in the bathtub.
Her: *suddenly shrieking bloody murder at the top of her voice* MOMMY! MOOOOMMMMMYYYY!!
Me: *bursts in, having a heart attack* WHAT??
Her: *totally calm, sitting in the water, holds up a tiny sponge shaped like a kangaroo* Do you know where any more of my sponge animals are?
Me: "THAT is what you wanted? I'm really not sure where they are."
Her: "Oh. well, If you see one, PLEASE bring it in here. My kangaroo is lonely."
Me: "Alrighty then." (There are a lot of moments when I am boggled by her priorities)

Instant Fame and Youtube
Her: "Mommy, we should videotape our fishtank. Then they'll be FAMOUS."
Me: "You mean like the fancy aquarium we looked at on youtube."
Her: "Yes. Our fish are amazing and should be famous."
Me: "I hate to break it to you sweetie, but being on youtube really doesn't count as being famous. To be famous lots and lots of people have to see you, and put you on TV."
Her: *looks at me, looks back at her fishtank* "Don't worry Mommy. Everyone will love our fish."

Times Keep Changing
Her: (Midway through describing a very long game with specific rules she invented that centers around dressing Teddy Bears) "...Then when you're done dressing your bear and drawing it, you hit the delete button-"
Me: "But this isn't a video game. These are actual bears, they don't have buttons."
Her: *gusty sigh and pointed stare* "It is NOT a video game. So you hit the delete button and dress the bear all over again."
Me: "So you take the bears clothes off and pick new ones?"
Her: *like I'm the slowest kid in school* "Yes. You get new clothes for the bear. Okay?"

Typical Weirdness at Home 
Me: (realizing she's been VERY quiet in her room for a long time) "Monster? Are you DEAD?"
Her: "No! If I were dead I wouldn't be talking right now."
Me: "Excellent observation. Please carry on not being dead."

These are just a few of the conversations we've had. I'll have to write down more as time goes on.


  1. I am laughing my a$$ off. "Monster" sounds adorable. You should videotape these and post them on Youtube.

    You'll both be famous. ;-)

  2. She would enjoy that. Kids these days! Every time I take a picture with my phone, she says, "Are you going to post that to Facebook?" I think she wants to be a meme.